My boyfriend wants sex, should I give in?

“We are in love. We should have sex.”

Your boyfriend is eager to take your relationship one step further. But you are not so sure.

You’re at your wits end, trying to make a decision that is both best for yourself and for your relationship.

The answer is easier than you think: If you don’t feel ready for sex, you can always say NO!

Sex and maturity

Sex sounds like a lot of fun, but there’s more to it than pleasure. It takes a lot of maturity to handle the responsibilities of sex, such as protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, and taking care of your own emotional feelings.

If you are unsure whether or not to have sex with your boyfriend, try asking yourself these questions:

1. Do I know my boyfriend well enough?
   

   Sex is best between a couple who truly understand, trust and love each other. Spend more time getting to know each other and let time tell if you two lovebirds are truly compatible!

2. My boyfriend says all our friends are sexually active. Maybe I should have sex too?
   

   In truth, only a small percentage of teens are having sex. Trust your instincts. If you are unsure, you are most probably not ready for sex. Believe in yourself and be proud that you choose to abstain even if you truely believe all your friends are sexually active.

3. Can I talk to my boyfriend about this?
   

   If you cannot discuss sex openly with your boyfriend and voice your feelings about it, perhaps it is not the right time yet.

4. Am I doing this to save my relationship?
   

   Having sex when you are not ready and for the wrong reasons might even worsen your relationship. If you two are having relationship troubles, maybe it’s best for you to spend more time understanding and talking to each other.

5. Are we old enough?

   Under Singapore’s law, it is illegal for teens under 16 years old to have sex. The law is tougher on the guys, maybe because the girls are in a position where they might have to deal with unwanted pregnancy. If you or your boyfriend is underage, this is a good reason for you to postpone your plans for sex!

You can say NO

If you don’t feel comfortable about having sex, you have every right to say NO!

• You don’t have to have sex to prove your love. On the contrary, if he loves you, he will respect your wishes and understand your decision!

• Be confident. Your opinion matters in the relationship. There should be mutual respect between you and your boyfriend.

• No promises. You can say no anytime, even if you agreed earlier on to have sex. Explain your feelings and reasons to him. A good boyfriend will understand your discomfort.

• Avoid going to secluded spots and each others’ homes, especially when there are no other family members around. This ensures that you two will not have any chance to be alone and be tempted to have sex.

• Take precautions. If you have only known your boyfriend for a short time, take care and make sure he does not take advantage of you. Date rape often happens when drugs are slipped unnoticed into girls' drinks. So stay sober and aware. Also, using condoms correctly and consistently can lower the risk of contracting STI/HIV. However, incorrect usage or storage of condoms can reduce their effectiveness.

• Go on group dates. You can also go on group dates with other friends until you reach a good level of trust between and your boyfriend. Seeing how your boyfriend interacts with his friends will also help you understand him better. It will be fun!

Saying no when you are not ready can be easier than you think. Have faith in yourself. Abstain, let your relationship grow, and when you are mature and ready, you will not have any regrets!

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